Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
