I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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