you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You were trust falling into bushes
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
