They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
