I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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