Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
