Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
