You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
