Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
