how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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