i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
