Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
