oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
...so i touched it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
