You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
