I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
