we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
