hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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