I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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