I cannot find my penis.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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