yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
