WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
