The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
