You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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