bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
