Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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