he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
