Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
