Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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