Are we in a gay sports bar?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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