At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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