my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Vodka?
Forever.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
