I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
