I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
