went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
