at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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