last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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