New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
