so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
