Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
