It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
