Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
