the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Say something about gay babies.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
