it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
