i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
