am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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