I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
