You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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