omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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