i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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