So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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