I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
