Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
