Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
