Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My hand turned me down
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
