If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
