she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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