The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
