If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
