I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
