Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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