i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we're making bets on your personal life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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