my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
