thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
