I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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