having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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