Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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